“It’s only gay if you kiss,” comments Tom. “15 inches is a lot to take in,” replies Addy. There was no show last week because of nerdy stuff. Gabe’s Approach to Life Plan: Care about nothing, sleep really well. Or try Addy’s Ambien plan. Local homeless friend of the show, Sammy, was murdered. The guys went to the funeral and played Count the Teeth… on a very special Addy and Gabe Show. If you don’t have Jesus in your life… you have crickets. Send your religious paraphernalia to Addy, c/o A&G, North Poll. Gabe wants to settle down… with some porno and a wife on the side. Addy can’t wait to never get married. The show gets pretty quiet over this topic, until Danni calls with weed. They recap Gabe’s older ex-girlfriends. Brent calls in to solicit engagement advice. Break for loud angry music (which might explain Addy’s sleeping problems). Don’t forget to check out Peepshow! Super E will be shipping out July 1st. His rank: Super-E4. When will McCain finally drop the N-bomb? Dilemma of the Day: To get head from or not get head from a hot chick with a dick? The guys talk regret and board games. Addy was thwarted by a guy that looked different than him. Break time for a really horrible breakup song. Gabe’s new weight loss plan: Lose weight so he can then go to the gym. Eating dry raman noodles is the sign of the end. Gabe tells his Naked Fat Guy story. Today’s lesson: Women are messed up… and fat. Even the 69 pound anorexic chick. Lose some weight, fatty. Time to read the shows (and give a quick mention of me, number one A&G fan). Now get to the vomiting, ladies.
Archive for February, 2008
It’s Pancake Tuesday! Gabe almost died a few times today due to ice, but at least he voted. Super E voted for his own death. Ron Paul is just the kind of insanity we need. Barack plans to bomb the south. “Alaska: Even the bears are white.” Warhawk from West Virginia calls to hate on his area. “She’s a dirty fucking whore. I mean… what?” reflects Gabe. Addy really wants to play Gabe screaming from last episode. “Never ever believe a woman,” says Addy, in regards to birth control. Gabe tries to bring Addy and Tom to EQ2, where we can all play female elves (Tom’s will be red, of course). Break time for a loud song only Addy likes, a catchy Jesus song and then back with a god complex. Gabe need not second guess his jokes. Obama Berry 2008! Crack and white women for all! Welcome to another fabulous edition of Love Gabe! Interlopers and pie. Woman wants ring, man wants video games. Gabe describes the “Flawless Victory” technique. Gabe smites those who would defy God with their gayness. Spoiler: Most issues can be solved by her shutting up. On to the next bit, Call a Governor. Today they call Jingle All The Way star, Governor Terminator in an attempt to save Super E from death. Addy has a psycho chick. Bill may or may not have a child. Break, then advice from Alan Arkin. Addy and Jim want to know what love is. Gabe loves Danni in a wrath of God kind of way. These are the most racist and sexist elections ever. News time. Ambulances not big enough for dying fat ass Australians. Damon calls to bust balls. No red roses for terrorists… er, Saudi’s. Fast food employees mock blind woman who could not read the menu. Gabe decides he will start being nicer to our darker brothers from the southeast. Shaggy calls in to promote the White Power Bible. The N-word gets a copious work out right about here (Note: see show title above). More news. Guy is harassed by ex’s text messages. Danni calls in to say she is coming early (write your own jokes). GLaDOS introduces the news. “Damon” (not to be confused with Damon) makes an appearance and brings the funny. Just remember folks, The Addy and Gabe Show is for Addy and Gabe… any laughter from the audience is purely accidental.
Addy is returning to his old AOL job. The guys call Tom’s voicemail and leave a good, gay message. Maybe they can keep a picture of Tom on his chair when he isn’t there? Note to Addy: You don’t pronounce the “S” in Illinois. If you do, Bears fans will stab you. If you had to pick, which would you be: A black man or a woman? Fans of the show know the answer. Which would you give up: food or sex? President McCain will be bombing Vietnam. If you work past 5:30pm, Gabe says, “You should have gone to school.” Super E calls to remind us that he needs a new family. The self-loathing Super E hates the gays. Break time and back with 40’s, self-inflicted fellatio and heavy petting with Addy’s dog. Now it’s time for another fine edition of… Love Gabe! This week, not as raunchy and jaw-dropping. Awesome theme song though! Kenny Kane buzzes in. Gabe lies about the “gift” of marriage. “A little rape is ok,” claims Addy. Question: If you beat a woman and then buy her makeup, is it all ok? Blind people are terrible at suicide, but awesome at murder. (Editor’s Note – I was crying with laughter during this part) Gabe sums up the elections as a movie plot: “No matter who wins, we lose.” “Say Obama wins… how long before someone kills him?” asks Gabe. Break time, then Simpsons. Did you know only black people have computers with floppy drives? Jim calls in to be tall and creepy. Jim’s creepiest feature: Voice. Blind people in the news! Blind man from New Jersey brutally raped. A story about embryos and DNA falls flat. What, no embryo omelette? Shaggy calls in with his support. The Amway song is catchy, says Gators. Just as things were going well… Allison calls in. It’s only a matter of time before Gabe screams at her. Looking forward to her next call to the show.